10 Days of the Top 10 Things People With NO Children Do NOT Know.

1-9 UND 

Day1
1. Heat Seeking Missiles

I’m betting that, on some drunken club night, one or two of my friends have vomited on themselves. Maybe splashed it up in their hair or splattered their stilettos. But not projectile vomit that comes from nowhere. One minute you are carrying this small creature that you birthed, and everything is calm and right with the world, the next the head turns (no warning is ever given) the mouth opens, and it shoots forth like a heat seeking missile with such force it feels like a warm chunky Niagara falls has just shot into your open mouth and eyes. Let me ask you people with no kids… What do you do? What is your next move? What no quick answer? Tsk tsk

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. memoriesfound
    Jun 22, 2013 @ 15:43:45

    what a ridiculous blog post. just because i haven’t given birth, doesn’t mean i wouldn’t know how to deal with explosive baby vomit! it’s not like a top secret baby manual comes out of your vag with the baby. In fact, it’s because I DO know about dealing with these sorts of situations, that has lead me to choose never to have children.

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    • Dagmar Tully
      Jun 22, 2013 @ 18:58:11

      It’s all satirical, love. I commend all people who know themselves well enough to know that they do not want to have children and resent the hell out of non parents telling me what I am doing wrong in raising my children, squeeze one out before handing out advice always being my first thought. Thanks for the feedback! And I checked out your blog, which I found highly entertaining, thanks for the great read!!

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