A Lower Class of People (That Don’t Like Wine)

 

Wine, wine everywhere I look. Wait I think that is supposed to be signs, signs(sorry Five Man Electrical Band or Tesla) but anyway!!! It seems if you do not jump onto this red and white shooting star, then there has got to be something wrong with you. I often get asked “What is your favorite?” and it never fails that my face is frozen it sheer terror because I do not know the answer. Knowing that if you answer with the frankness ” I do not like wine” that their faces will mirror your terror. “Do not like wine??? How can you not like wine? You must not have tried the RIGHT wines!!.” It is almost as if I have told them I like to eat small children. Somewhere in the last 5 years it has become a crime and social atrocity to admit you do not like wine.

 

I have tried to fit in, and pretend. Trying wine after wine to see if there is one that would flip the toggle and turn me into a wine lover. But I have not found any that I would want to drink. I have read up on what wines taste better which what food, about airing them out as they reach your tongue (I am sorry this resembles the sound of a bong hit and always makes me want to laugh). Still nothing.

 

When did I fall into a lower class because I enjoy beer or vodka to crushed old grapes? Growing up, wine is what poor people drank or old people. Out of a gallon jug or a box in their fridge. We were poor so I know! But the tides turned somewhere and I did not catch a ride on them. Another issue is that when I drink I want something refreshing, how is a beverage at room temperature, refreshing? Is that why there is always a glass of water with red wine? Because these people are faking it, as well? I was told that it is to cleanse their palate…I call malarkey! If you need to cleanse your palate to drink something, then it is NOT refreshing and maybe you do not like it as much as you as saying that you like it??

 

I do drink wine, because sometimes that is the only beverage offered. And other times I need to get drunk to be able to drink wine. I always stick with white (back to the abnormality of drinking something at room temperature) and it always makes me into a sloppy, oh so sloppy, drunk! Who never notices they are drunk until having to use the wall in the restroom to climb off of the toilet. That is always when it hits me. My drunkenness has occurred to everyone else a lot earlier from the ear crushing pitch that my bellowing voice has reached, the stories that I must not only tell but act out as well. Or maybe the dish or glass I have dropped and shattered by my flailing body limbs, as I act out one of these stories (don’t worry I don’t miss a beat in my telling). All of these things are noticed by my peers (they would be friends if they had booze) much more quickly than me. I am always in the bathroom, when I notice (maybe the wall helping me off of the toilet or the black mascara that has seeped down my face at some point are my tells?)

 

So the next time that someone says they do not like wine, think, think hard about their reasons. You may be safer just accepting and moving on…lest you want to create a monster.


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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. hownottokillyourparents
    Jun 21, 2013 @ 12:32:00

    I enjoy red wine, but like you it makes me a sloppy drunk. And it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely hung over (even after one little glass). So I’m with you. Beer or vodka any day.

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    • Dagmar Tully
      Jun 21, 2013 @ 17:46:48

      I think I get hung over while still drunk!

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      • hownottokillyourparents
        Jun 21, 2013 @ 17:50:16

        Lol. That’s happened to me before as well. But only on red wine. I once managed to drink two full glasses… i thought that the second one would help the headache that the first one caused. Never. Again.

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  2. flirtingwith30
    Jun 21, 2013 @ 13:20:52

    I know the shame of being a non wino. I would love to give it my full attention but unfortunately allergies set in so no beer either. It makes events where “free wine and beer” is no offer a bit of a bore as I’m usually the only sober one and therefore designated driver. But as soon as the cocktails are brought out…there I am…alcoholic comments and all.

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    • Dagmar Tully
      Jun 21, 2013 @ 17:45:12

      Awww, do you get invited to things that only serve beer and wine by your friends because they know they will have a locked in DD? That is something my friends would totally do!! I have had thoughts of maybe stashing some Boons or Cooks in my purse and when they ask what kind of wine I like just whipping that puppy out. Can you imagine their faces? I am pretty sure that people should have a “Vodka” party, aren’t wine parties getting boring yet? I all about pairing Grey Goose with as many fruits as I can.

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