Day 4: Repeater is Not the Name of a New Band

You will become a repeater. This will start around age 6 months or so. First you are teaching language so you will say “Mommy” this will take the form of a chant because you are hell bent on that being said before “Daddy”. It will start and not end until it is the first word that is uttered, after this will start the “Say dog, dog, dog” or “Say spoon, spoon spoon”. This will last until you start with “No, no, NOOOO!” as they are slathering the dog in Vaseline, or grabbing sharp objects and running (somehow they know to grab and run, but are still pooping themselves). Next it will be explaining things, over and over. You think this will end when they grasp language and rules, but it gets worse around ages 7 or 8. Then it is “Didn’t I just tell you 3 times that the chandelier is NOT a place to try to see if you can hit with that tennis ball??? Pretty sure it was 3 times already!! If I have to tell you a 5th time, you are in BIG trouble!!” By 13, (especially with boys) you start to sputter as you launch into the 9th or 10th time of “Did you -you better have-did you do your homework?? Why are you watching TV didn’t I tell you all ready to go do your homework?? What-why- what are you doing??????” The sad side effect of being a Repeater is that you become a Ceiling Yeller also. I have been doing this since my kids were 3 and 5. “What are you doing up there??? If I have to come up there, you will be so busted!!” Eyes raised to the ceiling veins bulging after repeating this for the 10th time. By the ages of 15-17, you are repeating rules and the word “Are you serious?” at least once a week. You don’t know why the same conversation has been going on for 3 years twice a week. You have better communication with your dog then your kids. They just make you tired. I have often thought of recording that same conversation and just hitting play to save my breath. I am worried that I do it to random people too, just because it is so normal now, and I jumped off that sanity ledge years ago. So if you hear me going “W–, do you want coffee? Coffee? Coffee?” just hit the reset button. May sound freakishly mundane, but you wait…This will be your life if you do so choose to procreate.
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