Costumes for What????

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*if you are easily offended or have a delicate sense of ability this may NOT be the best read for you

Most women at one time or another have made the Adult Store run, at the very least for a bachelorette party gift. The cheesy male G-string that comes two variations; the elephant or the groom. Does anyone buy these? They seem so sad and tired to me, never getting re-vamped or updated.

So this week when a friend sent me a picture of costumes for penis’s (after I finally figured out that was what they were!!) I must say I was intrigued. This led me to do what most would, GOOGLE (you know you would!) I had to see what designs there were!!! The first ones that I came across totally creeped me out (yes you would think that the penis costume itself might have done this didn’t even phase me) they were baby costumes for the member (ladies if your man wants to dress up as a baby or dress his penis as one, hellooo, run!!). So I kept searching, and came across a site (very very dirty site) called The Dapper Dick. Now, as I clapped my hands together with glee before I clicked on the link, I was going to see some non-creepy fun penis costumes (not a sentence I thought would fall from my lips)! So for a site with a name like that and an idea like dressing a penis in a cute little outfit their costumes were highly unimaginative. They had “The Little Doctor, Pirate, Gangster, Cowboy, and a Fireman”. Wow..deflated. My pleasure was over. Closed the link, texted my friend that they were all lame, and went about my day.

I was surprised at 1 a.m. to be wide awake and obsessing about better penis costumes (I wasn’t really, but I don’t want to sound like a total freak) and better names!! I had the more run of the mill, obvious ones “The Storm Trooper” and “Darth Vader” (which I once tried to make with a sharpie, but that is another story). My mind wandered to my husband and what would he dress his penis up as if he had a choice THE DUDE!!! “Little Lebowski”!!! A little robe, with a t-shirt and boxers. Okay!!!! Oooh, he loves The Shining it could be Jack Torrance dressed in a flannel shirt with a little axe and a sound chip that said “Heeeerre’s Johnny!!.” But I couldn’t think of a good name for it so nixed that one. Then I was blank.

The next day still obsessing about a BETTER penis costume line I messaged a friend, who like a superhero whose power is raunchy wit that shoots at lightning speed from her silver tongue would give me what I needed (what is wrong with me??)

I explained once what was needed and as expected she did not ask “WHY?” as most people would or say “You need help”, she fired off in a period of 3 minutes the following list.

My Big Fat Greek Dick-

Big Daddy’s House –

Big Dick in Little China

The Big Chill

Little Bit Man

Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

Big Night

Bender’s Big Score

After reading her list and in my head seeing each little costume that would go with each one, I felt some relief. I had solved a huge dilemma over boring penis costumes and I could put the whole thing to bed.

On that note, I must share everything I worry/ think about with my husband whether he wants to know or not is not a factor. In this case, he just sighed and shook his head. In his sleep the last few nights he has slept with his back to me and with his hands in front of his crotch, he seems worried

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. LindaGHill
    Jul 01, 2013 @ 04:57:58

    Hahahaha! I don’t know if you can sew, but with ideas like this you could be rich!

    Like

    Reply

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